Jeffrey Donaldson's Double Fiddle
Jeffrey Donaldson first MP to manage double fiddle! He fiddles his expenses while fiddling with himself! Congratulations Jeffrey!
Imagine the scene. You’re working away from home. You’ve had dinner and retire to your rather boring hotel room and don’t feel tired. You flick on the television and are tempted by one of the movies on offer! ‘Why not?’, you think, especially as someone else is paying for it! What’s even better is that nobody will ever know, or so you thought!
The expenses scandal has revealed that Jeffrey charged us taxpayers £555 for 68 movies watched while he stayed in London hotels. Jeffrey’s protestations that he’s done nothing wrong simply beggars belief. Does he really think that mugs like me pay taxes so he can then use that money to amuse himself? The sublime element of this story is that it has led to reasonable speculation as to the nature of the movies viewed. Even colleagues of wee Jeffrey Donaldson in the UUP have long held the opinion that he’s one right w*****! Has he now gone and proved them right?
He hasn’t been given resounding backing from his party leader Peter Robinson whose only comment is that ‘Mr.Donaldson is clearly entitled to a presumption of innocence’. That’s somewhat less than a resounding defence!
It may be anecdotal but I have some experience of hotel rooms and movies. Being of more limited financial means than Mr Donaldson I have always steered away from the on-demand movies. I have, on occasion, flicked through the brochure to see what’s on offer and one simple fact jumps out. Even the latest blockbusters seldom go above the £7.50 price; the only movies I’ve ever noticed above this price were of the ‘I’m the plumber you ordered’ variety. Mr Donaldson has admitted that his viewing pleasure has included movies ranging from £7.50 to £14.95!
What of course makes this so beautiful is the fact that Jeffrey’s an outspoken Christian. You seldom see him on television without his wee fish badge – a Christian symbol. I have no problem with a politician who happens to be devoutly religious; I do, however, have serious problems when that politician then tries to tell me how I should live, as Jeffrey has on occasion had a wont to do.
No doubt that even as I write a posse of investigative journalists are trawling through hotel records to see just what Jeffrey spent those long nights watching. He would be well advised to come clean before he’s outed, will we ever forget the demise of poor wee Paul Berry.
If it turns out that there has been some distance between Jeffrey’s public image and private behaviour it will once and for all prove the old wives tale that a certain act does in fact stunt your growth! Once this is certain, for once that smug smile will be missing from wee Jeffrey for a while - for that alone we should all be grateful.
